Get Outta My Way; I'm On Lunch Break!!

I have the utmost respect for elderly people, but for the life of me, they are out to get me anytime I'm on a lunch break. Oh, sure, I could eat within walking distance of my job, but then I'd have to take a second mortgage to do that everyday. Also, there's the issue of weight. Eating out everyday, would make my butt the size of Texas. I don't want to be known as the secretary whose rear end comes in five minutes after my head. So, I head home for lunch on my breaks.

Anyhow, it's Friday, which is cause for happiness, but I've only got an hour for lunch, and I've been detained a bit at the office, leaving a bit later than I'd planned. Unlike Sammy Hagar, I can drive 55, and I'm still making pretty good time....UNTIL.....I get behind this elderly lady in a car that costs more than mine, going a nice, "safe" speed of 35 in a 55. She puts her breaks on for EVERYTHING!!! Small curve in road--"break", tiny incline--"break".

While I'm following this nuisance, I can't help but notice that there's an antenna on the top of her car that reaches to Mars. I'm wondering what the heck she needs something that long for. Like ET, does she need to "phone home"? If so, I wish she'd do it now, so someone could beam her up, and get her out of my way.

Eventually, there's a break in the road, and I'm able to pass her. I wonder if she ever got to where she was going. At her rate of speed, I imagine she'll reach her destination in another week.

Cell Phones and Procreation

Walking across the campus everyday, I can't help but to wonder how people meet each other. Most students have their heads down, ears crammed into cell phones, oblivious to anyone or anything. My question is this. How do cell phone people meet each other? Raging hormones are being overcome by microwave signals. The physical attraction between man and woman is in competition with this little thingy that can take pictures, send text messages, and start the space shuttle.

Another question. Do they EVER turn those things off? The phones blip, ring, buzz, vibrate, rock-and-roll 7/24. Here is a senerio: College Dude and College Gal are on a date. Enter the house arrest device, I mean cell phone........."Buzz, blip, rock on, whatever".

"What are you doing?"
"Oh, HI Mom, well I'm here trying to have a date!"

See what I mean? People look at this device as a luxury item. I see it as birth control.