Things that Should be Easy

What a day I had..............

Get a call in the morning, because I'm in a department that's moving to a new building. I'm told that I'll be moving today, which is fine, because I'm basically packed. However, because I want to be there when things are moved, and to move my computer myself, I'm told to be there a little after lunch.

So I take a quickie lunch, "South of the border" on Main Street, to get back to my office to meet the movers.........

who haven't shown up.

I pack the last two boxes, which leaves me with just my computer and printer hooked up, but I'm pretty confident, because no one could possibly need anything at this point.

Wrong..................

Well, I do the tasks, and bleed what's left of my ink cartridge dry, nab a carpel tunnel stapler, and go to work.

Finished.

Have a couple of professors who ask me about my file cabinet, because I've not emptied it, because I was told those would be carted out on hand trucks.

Not true.

So.........pack three more boxes into an already crowded office.

Done at last, but still no movers. A guy who comes into the building, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else at this time. I'm told that my move will be delayed, because my new office needs touch ups, and they don't want to get paint on my new desk.

Good plan.

But about those boxes..............

My current habitat is pretty small. Now that I've got everything packed, I'm surrounded by cardboard. I can poke my head up a little to see, but it's a bit difficult, plus I'm feeling pretty crowded. Guy asks me if I want the boxes moved, regardless, to which I answer in the affirmative.

So I wait.

My boss goes to check out the new building, because they'd called her, too, but she was still waiting at 3 PM. She goes only find out they've moved the wrong person's stuff into her office............

Another delay..........

Finally the moving guys show up at 4 PM. I watch them from my barricade of boxes, as they haul my boss's belongings off.

It gets quiet............

I go through the obstacle course, only to realize that the truck has left.........

without my boxes.

By this time, I'm pretty fed up. I have to get out of my office, and push boxes back in, as far as they will go, just so that I can close the door and leave.

Needless to say, I was glad to get home and just cook out and chill. Finally have bedroom cleaned, dogs walked, kitchen cleaned, laundry done, and am showered and relaxed. I go to the kitchen to turn off the light, when I see............

this bug of some variety on the ceiling, who is big enough to put a collar on.

I do the wimpy thing, and get the spray. I barely get one zap of Raid out, when this transformer insect spreads wings and flies away like a miniature 747.

Now I'm freaked, because I know that I didn't zap it enough to kill it, and I know it's going to get revenge on me in the middle of the night, and eat my face off. So, I do what any self-respecting woman would do. I go down the hallway, and retrieve a man to do the dirty work. By the time I take him to the vicinity of the last place I saw this creature, it's nowhere to be found. I check my pillow, and my covers, then check them, again, because I just know it's hiding.

Like a fugitive, this thing has vanished. I finally give up, and decide to take my chances by falling asleep..........

With the dog nearby and the covers pulled way up.

I Think I Will Have a Stoke in My Eye Today: Part I

Geez, can anything else go wrong sometimes?!!!! Where do I start? Who wants to listen? Oh, well, perhaps writing about it, will relieve some stress, and I can stroke out later:

A few months ago, I was driving a sardine sized two-door car, with the intentions of selling such car, after my taxes arrived, and I could buy another car. Squishing two teenagers into that car was getting to be an Olympian event, even though the car helped me look "cool".

Well, that stupid car was onto me, and decided to just blow its transmission! This was before it was paid off and before my taxes were even filed! I did the mature thing, which was to walk home and cry.

I found a car to borrow, while my second car was being repaired. Upon repair of the second car, the loaner was sold. "No problem", I thought, "I still have at least one car, until I can get a backup."

I thought wrong. Second car takes the long and winding road to Lawndale, NC, then makes a funny shimmy. I thought it was the wind.

Wrong, again.

To get to the point, by the time I got close to my office, the rear axle was pretty much incinerated. I got to park by an auto parts store, leave my car there, and do the walk of shame to my office.

I became a woman with no cars. How to get the children to school? How to get to work? How to get anywhere? A sympathetic co-worker (aka: angel!) loaned me his van. It was a great way to travel, in that it was a big as a small home. The kids thought were were the Trumps. They failed to realize that this house on four wheels was bleeding me dry in gas.

Two weeks later, and a bit broke, my tax refund came in, and I went to search for a car. I actually found a nice one, considering that I had to depart with a large chunk of money to pay off the former car.

This car, or jeep, rather, is pretty nice, but I figure it'll explode or fall to pieces, now that I'm paranoid about the stability of any car I have or will ever own.

The biggest flaw at this time, is that the gas handle does not work. This is a hoot, as I am "gas handle challenged". Me driving a car with a broken gas handle, is the equivalent of giving a starving lion a garden salad. It's pointless!

So, until I get this problem fixed, and hopefully it will be the only problem, I put gas in the jeep, drive, put gas in the jeep, hold my breath if it makes the least little sputter, and wonder when I'll find myself on the side of the road, with no gas can.

My friends and co-workers should take bets on this one.

Free + Furniture = Disaster

I guess it's true about what is said about the road on which good intentions are paved, or it's just probably the biggest community brain fart I've ever heard about:

Imagine if you will, a newspaper that puts on the front cover, big and bold: "Free Furniture". For real. No gimmicks. Just a warehouse filled with used hotel furniture, such as sofa sleepers, tables, nightstands, and mattresses (Ewwwww!). Anyhow, this distribution is supposed to help people in the area, who are experiencing hard times, with a promise that everyone would get a fair share.

What a joke.................

I didn't go, because I had this feeling that this was a tragedy waiting to happen. Sometime's it's annoying to be right about stuff, and this was one of those times.

First off, there was NO system in place. First come, first serve, which automatically should turn on the general public's mental red alarm.

It didn't...............

People, some of whom actually needed furniture (again, Ewwwww!!! on the used mattresses, but the rest of the stuff, well, OK), didn't get anything. This was only one hour into the big give-a-way. Others with U-Hauls and tractor trailers apparently stocked up for the flea market (I thought there was a cap on this distribution). Of course, people understood.

Not!.....................

Aside from the obvious traffic jam, police were overwhelmed with frustrated people. Reportedly fights broke out, one car window was broken, and one woman was allegedly pepper sprayed ( I have to say allegedly, so I don't get sued). Basically, it was chaos.

Now, this will probably get men to hate me, but what the heck. Next time someone has a bright idea to give away anything in such a capacity, let a woman plan it. We can juggle numerous things at one time, and we know never to invite everyone at once!

I hope someone will learn from this.

Toys and Gifts Parents REALLY Hate!

I just saw this tidbit regarding toys that parents hate. I feel that it's lacking, therefore, I wish to perform a community service by telling it how it really is. The person reading from the prompt apparently never had children, or she could have shared this with you. This is what I'm here for, though, so here goes:

1. Noisy toys: This was actually mentioned in the dialogue. However, the poor woman speaking apparently didn't know that if noisy toys are given to children, it's because the giver hates the parent(s). This is not an accidental gift; it is revenge. If someone gives your sweet bundle of joy something that will drive you mad in the course of ten minutes, ask yourself, "What have I done to this person?"

2. Very large puzzles: Small, easy to put together puzzles, are OK for the smaller children, but a parent can only cringe when someone makes the mistake of giving a child those 1,000 piece puzzles. Either the giver has gone insane, or is happy with the thought, that each time you vacuum, you will suck up a reminder of that person. 1,000 piece puzzles are not to be put together by children with the attention span of fleas.

3. Tiny legos. Same as above, but make pretty hideous noises when being sucked up by the vacuum.

4. Clothes that are completely wrong: If you can nail the right size, then go for this. Just remember that what fit the little princess a few weeks ago, may fit Barbee today. Nix the idea of getting something too big, also, in hopes of "playing it safe". Not too many things are more fustrating than getting a piece of clothing that probably won't fit the child until college.

5. Same stuff, different day: Just because a child is into a certain phase, is no need to repeat the same train of thought on every gift giving occasion, until the child grows up. There are only so many of the same items that a child can use. So, unless said child is planning on building a warehouse to liquidate the two million pencils, pads, toy cars, Barbies, and so on, avoid this and be creative.

With this said, hopefully you will be guided into some of the things NOT to spend your money on. Personally, I have a fondness for the Red Rider BB Gun. Just kidding.

Taking Mom to the Doctor

My mother recently had a stroke, so my family and I have been taking turns with helping her. Today, I took on the responsibilty of taking her to the doctor, which at the time, seemed like small potatoes. I guess in the overall scheme of things, the potatoes were small, but maybe a bit curly, like those weird fries some places sell..................

So, here is a synopsis of this adventure..............

1. Leave work to pick up my mother: no problems to report here. This was the easy part.
2. Get Mom in car: Again, smooth sailing.
3. Drive with my mother trying to tell me how to get there: This is where the "adventure" begins. The trip to the doctor looks something like this:

--------->


Doctor Office Here.

My mom's "directions" are like this:

------>
turn

<------

turn

------->

turn

<------Get there sometime in the future.

I don't know why, and will not understand why she wants to make about a zillion turns and go through twice as many traffic lights to save 1/10th of a mile. So, instead of barking, "Be quiet and let me drive!!", I have to stop the insanity with, "I know where it is." That worked today.

4. Try to park at the doctor's office. As if!!! It was as full as a DisneyWorld parking lot, but with no cute characters and no tram to pick up our tired butts!!!! I'm muttering by now, and Mom's pointing towards what I notice is a dumpster. Nope, can't park there. Find a spot, then begin the walk to the office, which is:

5. the most BORING waiting room EVER!!! I will try to give you a visual:

One portrait on the wall so far away, that I'm not sure what it is. A TV in the corner playing (gag me here), "The Price is Right". About 10 magazines about NOTHING anyone cares about, and at dated at least FOUR years, which immediadely tells me that:

6. We wait for over an hour!!!!!!! No doctor's office with decent magazines will have you wait long. Only the loser offices with the antique magazines and hard chairs do that!!!

7. Finally get seen by the doctor, who breezes in and out faster than a Nascar tire changer dude. I wanted to smack him with one of his old magazines!

8. Leave and then go to get something to eat from the local sandwich shop. I know that Mom cannot speak well, so I try to be smart and ask her what she wants before we get in. The sandwiches are numbered, so I figure that this will be easy. She gives me a number 35, and we go in.

9. There is NO number 35 on the menu!!! We get to the counter, then the clerk, myself, and my Mom begin the game of number charades, until I feel that people will lynch us. I order something I know she will like, which probably saved me a beating from the customers behind us.

Finished with the lunch, and got her home safely. Has anyone seen my therapist? Oh, that's right, I don't have one.............Yet!!!

Annette's Fortune Cookies

If I was a person who wrote those things that go on the inside of fortune cookies, here are some of Annette's Words of Wisdom:

New messages = more work.

Rattling noise on car is never good.

If one depends on children to feed pets, pets will die.

That person staring at you is not doing so, because you are hot. You have something on your shirt.

Rain = bad hair day.

Wind = bad hair day.

Driving in car with windows down = bad hair day.

Driving in car with windows up = good hair, bad hot flashes.

The stench of road kill skunk can go on for miles.

The stench of road kill skunk will not be stopped by rolling up the car windows.

A cookie under the bed will grow weird fuzzy green stuff.

A cat with a dead mouse is a helper.

A cat with a dead chipmunk is a homicidal feline.

Oh, well, that's all I can think of for today. Think these will go into cookies?

Realtiy Bytes

I don't know whether I'm "old" or "old-fashioned", but I'm annoyed and disturbed by television for the most part. After years of having no cable, due to being relatively broke, I finally was able to purchase a subscription. Of course, I seldom have time to indulge in it, but the others in my house have no complaints.

The other day, I was taking my son to school, wondering if my car windows could actually get any dirtier. Since I've purchased a second car, but do not have a "two car garage" bank account, one car has to be the loser in the driveway. Anyhow, this is going somewhere, I hope.

While reflecting on my dirty window, I was jolted back to a memory of walking through the house putting up clean laundry. One of the televisions was on in a bedroom, with what I suppose was another pain in society's crack reality show. In the few minutes I was putting clothes into drawers, I gathered this much: a group of people competing to stay on a team to sell cars. What?!!!

Before I get people offended, let me start by saying, that I have nothing against people who sell cars. We, as consumers, have to have our automobiles, and therefore, need people to sell them to us. However, I draw a line at people sinking so low, for a few moments on television, that they have to practically beg to be able to sell cars. Is this what the general public perceives as entertainment? My next question, with any reality show, really, is who cares? Apparently many bored people, because these things are growing and multiplying like rabbits on Ecstasy. I also have to wonder how many of these shows are staged. My guess is at least 90%, but then again, what do I know?

I'm tired of hearing about the intimate details of people's lives who I care nothing about, untalented people trying to get a record contract, instead of paying their dues like everyone else, and any other show where the human element is reduced to a quivering, spineless suck-up of what used to be an actual person.

I thought the main reason for watching television, was to escape reality. I may be a minority in that thought, but I stand by it.

It's Truly a Dysfunctional World

In a perfect world, we'd never have to tell our friend's "Good-bye". However, it is far from a perfect world. I know that the main point of this blog is to make people smile and laugh at the silly things that happen to some of us on a regular basis. I plan to continue with that theme, but for one day, I need to step back and let the serious side emerge. So, if you are expecting my usual humor, please check back again at another time. If you want to be my shoulder to lean on, then I ask you, my friends, to stay.

In my dysfunctional world, occasionally I meet someone who makes a lifelong impression on me.....a good impression. I was given this opportunity a little over two years ago in the form of this tall, pretty, eloquent speaking woman. She may have come into my office for coffee, since I'm the "Community Center", or she may have come in to make copies. Whatever the reason, I knew that she was different, in a good way. I'd never met someone so elegant and intelligent, yet so down to Earth. She became a mentor and an inspiration to me, but most of all, she became my friend.

Sometime a little over a year ago, I think, a bombshell was dropped. It was discovered that my friend had ovarian cancer. I was upset and disturbed by this, but it's the 21st Century. Cancer is no longer the death sentence it once was. I, along with many other people, prayed for her. She went through the chemo, coming to teach her class with her little plastic pan, in case she got sick. No matter how badly she felt, she kept being there for her students. When I first saw her, after the first round of chemo, I thought, "There's no way she'll be able to handle her classes! She looks like she's gotten so weak!"

Well, I was proven wrong. I'd never seen anyone with the strength and the determination that Patsy possessed! Even with the weight loss and the short hair growing back, she was professional and graceful, with the beauty of Sigourney Weaver. I was asked to help with her classes when she was too sick to continue, and would do it again, no questions asked.

One day we got good news, that her cancer was in remission! What a blessed day! Sadly, that happy news did not last long, for the cancer returned, like a vengeful beast. Cancer is a wicked disease. It has no prejudice, no mercy. It is what it is, and I despise it.

I remember covering more classes for her, and just wishing the semester would hurry up and end, so that she could rest and concentrate on getting better. I was always afraid someone with a sickness would come into class and rip her immune system apart.

The semester finally ended, and she was able to focus on herself. During all the ups and downs, she'd always say, "I'm taking you out to lunch for all you've done for me!"

Do you know she made good on that? I had the most wonderful gift last December, and that was the gift of one on one time, with one of the most inspiring women I've ever met! It was a beautiful time, and a memory I will hold onto forever.

Now, not even four months later, I find myself in the position of having lost this person. I can't imagine the sorrow her family is going through, and my prayers are now for them.

Patsy, you were my mentor, my inspiration, and someone who made me feel needed. Most of all, you were my friend. I miss you so much, but I know you're free of that illness that consumed you. While I'm here, dealing with the loss, you are rejoicing in the presence of Jesus and all of Heaven. It will truly be Easter for you!

Thanks for everything, Patsy. Until later.......................your loving friend, Annette